Lets Eat Grandma??

We all know when to use a comma, right? Well...not really.

Some writers sprinkle commas into their sentences like fast-food chefs sprinkle salt on French fries; the more commas/salt, the tastier the sentences/fries. 

Other writers avoid commas like they're the plague, either out of fear of misusing them, or because they really don't see a comma as a necessary punctuation mark in certain sentences. 

(Of course, the most common reason writers omit a needed comma is because our fingers are flying over the keyboard faster than our brains can spot our mistakes!) 

The T-shirt example above shows how a sentence can be misunderstood when the comma is omitted. The most common comma error I see when editing manuscripts is the omission of a comma between an exclamatory word (hey, oh, wow, etc.) and the name of the person or term of endearment following that word.

Example: "Hey Tom, let's go!" should be "Hey, Tom, let's go!", or even better, "Hey, Tom! Let's go!"

In the same way, "Oh honey, you look so worried." should be "Oh, honey, you look so worried."

In the first example, Hey Tom is not the man's name. It's Tom, pure and simple, so insert a comma. As for the second example, terms of endearment--honey, dear, sweetheart--are always separated from other words by commas, regardless if they start, end, or are in the middle of the sentence.

Another common comma error occurs when words are listed in a sentence. Lists of three or more words should be separated by commas.

Example: "I went to the store with my uncle, cousin, brother and best friend."

Read this way, the speaker went to the store with three other people: an uncle, a cousin, and a brother who is also the speaker's best friend. 

This could be true, but what if the speaker actually went to the store with four other people? Then the sentence would have to be written this way: 

"I went to the store with my uncle, cousin, brother, and best friend." 

Now we know the brother is not the speaker's best friend. The best friend is a fourth person accompanying the speaker to the store.

A well-placed comma is a writer's friend. On the other hand, too many commas can annoy the reader. Why? Because they usually occur in sentences that are too long, too descriptive, and/or too complicated to be easily understood.

Consider this sentence:

"I was going to the store when, much to my amazement, I saw a bird, smaller than a hawk, but larger than a dove, fly into my neighbor's tree, the one by the corner, not the one in the yard, where it began pecking at the trunk in a most unusual, but not unpleasant, way, until my neighbor's wife, her long, golden hair streaming behind her, ran out of her house brandishing a spindly, brown broom in one hand and a dirty, wet dishtowel in the other while screaming at the bird in a loud, almost raucous, tone of voice."

An annoying sentence? You can say that again! :)

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Pediatric Brain Tumor Awareness Month

May is Brain Tumor Awareness month. As many of you know, my granddaughter Cinnamon Rose is a brain tumor survivor. Her tumor was discovered when she was 18 months old. It was inoperable, but thanks to new chemo drugs and protocols for children, Cinnamon underwent chemo treatments, and after 18 months of that, she was tumor free. She will turn 12 next month and is still tumor free. My cousin's granddaughter has not been so lucky. Her tumors were discovered 5 years ago, and after surgery and many months of chemo, she was thought to have won the battle. Unfortunately, her tumors returned in an even more aggressive state. As of today, Caitlin will be leaving the hospital tomorrow to face end-of-life care at home. Please pray for Caitlin. Please pray also for her mom and dad, who are undergoing the worst that life can throw at any parents, and for her brother and grandparents, who love Caitlin so very much. And please support the Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation,www.curethekids.org . They fund research on new meds and other treatments for children with brain tumors while also supporting the families of these young patients. Brain tumors are the leading cause of cancer deaths in children, surpassing even leukemia. Thanks for reading this, and thanks for your prayers and help.

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May 17, 2012

Today I received the following news: "May 17, 2013, 8:27am, Caitlin breathed her last breath here on Earth. She earned her Angel wings and is at peace now." Please keep Meri, Jim, little Jackob, and Caitlin's grandparents and family in your thoughts as they go through the difficult days ahead. Thank you.

E = Eliminating Errors

Last month I mentioned an acronym I use when editing my writing. (see April 15 post) Following that post, I wrote about sentence structure, the "S" in my "Self-Editing" acronym. Today I'd like to discuss the "E in "Self-Editing" -- Eliminating Errors. 

The most common writing errors occur in spelling, and even though most of us use spell check when editing our work, mistakes still happen. 

I can attest to that in my own work. Just this week I received an email from Dana, my editor at Harlequin, in which she commented that she found and fixed a typo in my manuscript of THE RUNE STONE MURDERS, the cover of which is shown above. (Release date: June, 2013) Now, I went over that manuscript at least three times before sending it to Dana, but obviously my eyes saw what my brain said I'd meant to type, not what I'd actually typed. That's because, like all writers, I was too close to my own work, and I knew instinctively what each sentence should say. Our brains can trick us that way, which is why we all need editors, people without preconceived notions of what they're seeing on the written page, people who can look at our work in a totally objective manner. 

Sometimes we spell a word correctly, but it's the wrong word for the sentence. In THE RUNE STONE MURDERS, I meant to write "he went to his death", but I actually wrote "he was to his death". Spell check didn't catch my mistake because I'd spelled "was" correctly. As good as it is, spell check can't read our minds. 

Common word mistakes I've seen in manuscripts include "there" for "they're" or "their", "hear" for "here", and "witch" for "which".
Again, spell check won't catch those kinds of mistakes because the misused word is spelled correctly.

Sometimes writers incorrectly capitalize certain words. I recently read two novels by two different writers in which the main characters worked as real estate agents. Both authors repeatedly called their character a "Realtor" rather than a "realtor".  Just like we don't capitalize the words engineer, doctor, scientist, conductor, or police officer when referring to a person's occupation, we don't capitalize the word realtor. 

Nicknames in sentences are capitalized. Example: "Rich is a tough guy; that's why we call him Gruffy." A second example: "Paul 'The Waiter' Ricca was a Chicago mobster and a close friend of Joseph 'Diamond Joe' Esposito." 

Terms of endearment are not capitalized. Examples: "Let's go to the store, honey." "I really don't want to go, sweetheart."

Do you capitalize the first word after a colon? It depends on which style manual you use (or which one your publisher requires you to use). The Chicago Manual of Style recommends you use lowercase lettering for the first word after a colon unless that word is a proper noun or the start of at least two complete sentences or a direct quote. The Associated Press Manual of Style recommends you use lowercase for the first word unless it's a proper noun or the start of one complete sentence. The AP manual makes no mention of a direct quote following a colon, but one can assume that all direct quotes begin with a capitalized word.

In my next post I'll discuss errors in punctuation and POV. See you then!

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Sentence Structure: The Backbone of Good Writing

What's wrong with these sentences?

"His house had been battered by the winter storm. Now he was leaving, the snow curled around his ankles. He was thinking that he should have worn his scarf, nevertheless, he walked to his car. Hanging in the closet, he wondered if it would have kept him warm. Even though it was old and threadbare."



Let's look at the first line: His house had been battered by the winter storm. It's written in the passive voice, where the doer of the action -- the storm -- is not positioned as the subject of the sentence, and a past participle (a verb ending in "ed") follows some form of "to be" -- is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been. In this sentence, had been battered clues us in to the use of passive voice. 

Good writers avoid passive voice; instead, they form their sentences using the active voice. The winter storm battered his house. "Battered" is past tense, but active voice. "Storm" now stands where it should as the subject of the sentence, while "house" is positioned as the object.

Now he was leaving, the snow curled around his ankles. A run-on sentence consists of two independent clauses incorrectly joined together. Independent clauses must have both a subject and a verb. Now he was leaving is a clause because he constitutes the subject and was leaving constitutes the verb. The snow curled around his ankles is also a clause; snow is the subject and curled is the verb. Both clauses could stand alone as sentences. We call this kind of run-on sentence a "comma-splice". A comma connects the two clauses, but the comma is not followed by a conjunction (and, or, nor, but, so, yet, and sometimes for). We can fix this sentence by dividing it into two sentences. Now he was leaving. The snow curled around his ankles. We can also fix it by inserting a conjunction. Now he was leaving, and the snow curled around his ankles. Or we could substitute a semicolon for the comma. Now he was leaving; the snow curled around his ankles.

We could make the sentence even better by substituting a more active verb for was leaving. Snow curled around his ankles when he stepped outside. Or: He stepped outside and snow curled around his ankles.

He was thinking that he should have worn his scarf, nevertheless, he walked to his car. This is another example of a run-on sentence. We can fix it in two ways. He was thinking that he should have worn his scarf. Nevertheless, he walked to his car. Or we can substitute a semicolon for the first comma. We can also drop the word "that" without losing the meaning of the sentence or confusing the reader.

Hanging in the closet, he wondered if it would have kept him warm. Unlike a clause, a phrase contains no subject for its verb. Phrases merely modify, or clarify, the rest of the sentence. In this sentence, hanging in the closet is called a "misplaced modifier phrase" because it confuses rather than clarifies the sentence. "He" is not hanging in the closet. "It" -- his scarf -- is hanging in the closet. 

Even though it was old and threadbare. This is a sentence fragment, also called an afterthought fragment because it supplies information that reads as an afterthought regarding the scarf and includes the transitional words "even though". The correct way to write this is: He wondered if it would have kept him warm, even though it was old and threadbare. 

Most of us would be hard pressed to recall every rule of grammar taught to us in our youth. Nevertheless, without even consciously thinking about it, we can usually recognize good sentence structure when we read the work of accomplished authors. If we're smart, we'll pay attention to how those authors write, and we'll learn from them. 

So keep reading, my friends, because the truth is, I've never met a good writer who wasn't also an avid reader. 

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Self-Editing Tips and the Craft of Writing

Self-editing. 

What every writer needs to do before submitting a manuscript to an agent or editor.

Daunting. 

What every writer thinks when hearing the word "self-editing".

Is self-editing really so scary? Not if you look at the word as a simple memory jogging acronym.

S—Sentence Structure

E—Eliminating Errors: Spelling, Capitalization, Punctuation, POV

L—Language

F—Flow

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E—Emotion

D—Dialogue and Description

I—Internal and External Conflict

T—Typos, Tired Words, and Tense Changes

I—Inaccurate Facts and Inconsistencies

N—Narrative and Backstory

G—Grammar

Okay. I agree it's a longggg acronym, so you may have difficulty remembering the chore associated with each letter. But if you print this blog post and tack it up on your bulletin board, you'll have a handy reference of what to look for when you start editing and revising your work. 

In the weeks to come, I'll discuss the various points included in this acronym here at Cicero's Children. I hope you'll join in the conversation with your own observations, questions, and tips on self-editing. 

After all, there's nothing writers treasure more than talking with and learning from other writers. :)

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Wow! It's been a hectic two weeks here in my neck of the woods. My computer's been down off and on due to a glitch in an AT&T connection program; my refrigerator died without any warning at all (there's nothing like finding totally liquid ice cream in your freezer at nine o'clock on a Sunday evening); and I spent two days fighting off migraines, plus one morning in the ER getting treatment for the kind of pain associated with kidney stones. What fun.

As a result of all of the above -- plus a lot of other things too mundane to mention here -- I'm way behind on posting those reviews I mentioned here the last time I blogged. I've been reading first books in a series, and have found a few that I can recommend for light summer reading, the sort often called "beach reads".

Jana DeLeon writes Harlequin romance novels (none of which I've read) while also penning humorous mysteries. I fell for the covers shown above and decided to try TROUBLE IN MUDBUG, the first book in her Ghost-in-Law series. I loved it! 

Botanist Maryse Robicheaux thinks she's losing her mind when she sees her detested mother-in-law rise out of her coffin during her funeral service. Turns out Maryse isn't nuts at all. Helena Henry is truly back -- as a ghost, that is -- and still causing trouble for poor Maryse. All the botanist wants is time left alone to pursue her hunt for a possible life-saving plant growing somewhere in the bayous near Mudbug, Louisianna. Helena has other plans for the young woman. One of those plans involves finding the person who sent Helena to an early grave; a second plan centers on saving a nature preserve from a greedy chemical company that views the bayou as a natural dumping ground. As if Maryse's life isn't complicated enough, DEQ Agent Luc LeJeune shows up on her doorstep masquerading as a state scientist. Luc can't tell Maryse about his true mission in Mudbug, and Maryse can't tell Luc about the ghost stalking her every move. But hiding the truth from each other doesn't help either one of them, especially not after someone tries to remove Maryse from the scene -- permanently.

DeLeon's experience as a writer shows in this bright and bouncy mystery. Both primary and secondary characters are unique and well developed. (I personally adored nasty old Helena and couldn't help but chuckle over her misadventures in adjusting to ghost-hood.) The plot moved smoothly along; the setting and pacing were excellent. I'm definitely going to read the other books in this series, plus the two books in DeLeon's "Miss Fortune" series and her stand-alone mysteries. 

PLAYING WITH POISON is the first book in Cindy Blackburn's "Cue Ball Mysteries" series. Romance writer, pool shark, and champagne lover Jessie Hewitt earns the suspicion of the police in Clarence, North Carolina when her neighbor's boyfriend stumbles into Jessie's condo and drops dead on her couch. Jessie can't tell Captain Wilson Rye why she automatically knew Stanley Sweetzer had been poisoned; Rye looks at her askance when she blames it on writer's intuition. His doubt deepens when Jessie denies any knowledge of the files that Stanley, a financial advisor by profession, kept on her. How did Stanley find out about her divorce settlement, her book royalties, etc.? Jessie makes it her business to investigate the dead man and his possible link to Jessie's ex-husband. 

When not sleuthing, Jessie and her condo friends Karen Sembler -- a carpenter and creator of one-of-a-kind furniture -- and Candy Poppe -- a lingerie salesperson and girlfriend to the murdered Stanley -- spend their time drinking champagne at The Stone Fountain, a cozy bar and eatery across the street from their building. Gossip reigns at The Stone Fountain, and gossip is what eventually helps Jessie solve the case.

Cindy Blackburn obviously had fun writing this book. I enjoyed her descriptions of Jessie's romance novel characters and the trials and tribulations those characters faced chapter by chapter. And of course it's hard to ignore Blackburn's choice of names for some of her characters. Candy Poppe and Stanley Sweetzer? Oh, yeah. Blackburn's tongue was firmly lodged in her cheek when she christened those two. 

I found Jessie to be an intelligent, gutsy woman who I could easily drink champagne with any day of the week. I liked the other female characters, too, and felt the dialogue flowing among them was realistic to their gender. I admit that the editor in me cringed a few times while reading this book, but the errors I caught really didn't detract from the story and probably wouldn't bother the majority of readers. On the whole, I found this book to be a pleasant beach read and quite a decent first effort. I'll definitely give the next book in the series a try.

THIS WEEK'S EDITING TIP:

Click on the pilcrow, or paragraph, mark on your toolbar when self-editing your manuscript. The pilcrow symbol (shown to the right here) should be seen at the end of the last sentence in each paragraph. It should not be preceded by extra periods. Right: The boy ran away.¶  Wrong: The boy ran away...¶   By clicking on the pilcrow, you'll also catch other formatting errors, like extra spaces at the beginning of paragraphs. The pilcrow is your friend. Use it!

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The Writer's ER Editing Service

In my last post I promised I'd return this week with news about a formatting and cover service and an expanded editing service. I'll get to the latter in a bit, but first let's talk about Donnie Light's eBook76.com. 

Donnie specializes in eBook design, print layout, and cover design. I discovered Donnie through a friend who'd hired him to format multiple eBooks from her print series. Impressed with his work--and his reasonable rates--I hired Donnie to convert two of my backlist titles to print and eBook format. He was very easy to work with and accomplished the jobs in no time flat. My covers were designed by someone other than Donnie, but he inserted them in the appropriate CreateSpace cover templates for me, making sure the spines fit the number of pages and that there was enough bleed space around the cover edges. Again, I was very pleased with Donnie's work.

If you're looking for someone to format your print and/or eBook quickly and at a reasonable rate, you can't go wrong with Donnie Light. You can find his website at www.eBook76.com or contact him at Donnie@eBook76.com.

And now, let's talk about editing. As I wrote back in January, I once worked as an editor for a small press publishing company. That experience opened the door for me to free-lance editing jobs contracted by both new and previously published authors, as well as by post-graduate students who recognized the value of well edited research papers. I discovered I loved editing almost as much as I loved writing. Helping to pull other people's writing into shipshape condition was satisfying work that energized my own creativity.


Time, though, was a problem for me. I had my own writing to do, plus I was still working part-time as a nurse. I could only take a limited number of editing jobs if I was to have any time left for my family and outside activities.

Then in late January, a Doogie Howser look-alike doc with a high-grade Napoleon complex and a distinct dislike for female nurses entered my life. Suddenly, my work hours were cut drastically, as was my paycheck. I found myself at loose ends, unable to write due to an overload of anger aimed at you-know-who (although I did plot a great short story where a baby-faced MD winds up dead at the hands of a nurse activist!). 

What helped me get through it all was a January editing job I did for a fellow mystery writer. As I worked on her story, it occurred to me that I now had enough free time to expand my editing business.  

And so, without further ado, I'd like to present the following information for writers seeking help in polishing their manuscripts.

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The Writer's ER Editing Service

A former small press editor now working freelance with private clients, Mary V. Welk has helped authors of all ages and levels of skill improve their manuscripts through careful attention to detail. As a published author of four novels, two novellas, and numerous short stories and magazine articles, Mary has experienced the editing process firsthand and can relate to writers who require help but do not want to lose their unique voice and writing style in the process.

Mary offers the following services:

Proofreading:  This service is designed for authors whose manuscripts have gone through the revision stage, are ready for publication, and only require a final reading to check for grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors; misused words; typos; and indentation issues.

The current rate for this service is U.S.$1.00/page using the industry standard of 250 words/page.

Copy/line and developmental editing:  This service includes everything mentioned under "Proofreading", plus an in-depth evaluation of plot organization; character development; descriptive narrative; pacing; internal and external conflict; dialogue, point of view; overused and weak words; show vs. tell; descriptive inconsistencies; active vs. passive verbs; use of backstory; and clarity and believability of the storyline. All comments and suggestions for change or improvement will be sent to the author in the form of chapter-by-chapter critique notes.

The current rate for this service is U.S.$2.00/page using the industry standard of 250 words/page. This rate covers the initial edits, plus edits of two revisions at no additional cost; i.e., you get three edits for the price of one.

To estimate your cost for either service, divide the total number of words in your manuscript by 250, then multiply by the rate listed for the service. Payment is expected upon completion of the project.

Please submit your manuscript electronically as an attached Word document in the standard double spaced format using 12-point Time New Roman or Courier as your font.

For questions, or to submit a manuscript, please contact Mary at maryvwelk@gmail.com. 

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Feel free to share both the formatting and editing information presented above with your friends and fellow writers. 

Next time at Cicero's Children: book reviews and a medical question.
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